Mike Martelle, el rudo

Mike, I did a big post about your triumph over Mexico on Man vs. Clown, in which I quote you at length. I hope that's okay; your story is too good not to share, and I do figure in the sorry (about which I'm very happy).

Now, have you noticed in your post-match video interview where you're just contantly putting your hand on the announcer's mike while he holds it for you? It seems to be unconscious and wholly unnecessary, so it's really funny.

In your next interview, I think you should step it up. Put your hand on the mike like that, and then leave it there, even when he's not holding it up to your mouth anymore and is talking into it himself. If he hands it to you to hold yourself, hand it back when you're done, but don't let go. Maintain constant contact. Make it look not aggressive, but just kind of absent-mindedly annoying. If he thinks you're trying to cut in and breaks off mid-sentence to try to let you do so, just look at him patiently and wait for him to resume asking his question. Maybe even play with the cord a bit, if there is one. I bet you get under the guy's skin without him realizing why.

In all my years watching wrestling and finding all the little Owen-Hart-esque hidden joys in it, I never thought I'd get to dissect the minutia of an interview with you as the subject. I'm so happy about that.